Interviewing for a writer? Ask this question.

How can you screen for a writer who is passionate about their work? A professional who is driven to wrestle words until they stream into clear, clever, concise sentences, sentences with the power to market and motivate, inspire and inform. Because this is the wordsmith you want at your keyboard.

The Question

How do you find such an individual? Ask one simple question: “What is your stance on the Oxford comma?” If the “writer” doesn’t know what you’re talking about, conclude the interview immediately. A true writer will not only know what an Oxford comma is, they’ll have a strong opinion as to whether or when it should be used.

The Correct Answer

In fairness, there is no correct answer. Only that the individual believes there is a correct answer, and that they are more than eager to share it with you.

Cease and Desist

In the interest of transparency, and in the name of sentences everywhere, you will find my letter to the Oxford comma below.

RE: CEASE AND DESIST

Dear Oxford Comma,

This CEASE AND DESIST ORDER is to inform you that your presence – and your sycophants’ insistence on such – has become unbearable. This behavior is completely unacceptable and will not be tolerated by any word, phrase or sentence. This letter is to demand that you CEASE AND DESIST immediately. Should you continue to insist on inserting yourself in violation of this order, I will not hesitate to pursue legal action against you, including, but not limited to, removal by proofreading.

The June 30, 2011 ruling of the University of Oxford Style Guide states:

“As a general rule, do not use the serial/Oxford comma: so write ‘a, b and c’ not ‘a, b, and c’. But when a comma would assist in the meaning of the sentence or helps to resolve ambiguity, it can be used...”

This order acts as ONE FINAL CHANCE for you to cease your illegal activities before I exercise my rights to exist as a sentence free of the clutter of commas strewn through my words like trash along the fence line of a rural highway ditch. If you fail to comply with this demand, in hopes of one day proving that – like the roach – you too can survive the nuclear apocalypse and pool off the prose of zombies’ rotting digits, I will contact the authorities.

To ensure compliance with this letter, and to halt legal action, I require you to complete the attached form and return it within 10 days of your receipt of this letter. SANS serial comma.

Sincerely,

Sentences of Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow
(Notice, my dear Oxford comma, that you are not present above)

PS: You will also receive a separate CEASE AND DESIST letter from the apostrophe, single quote and semicolon for trademark infringement, as you share marks in part or in whole and are no longer legally authorized to represent the brand.  

Originally published on LinkedIn, November 8, 2017.