Drive-through 140 double calling to God or You had one job, Apple Transcription

If I don’t recognize a phone number, I don’t pick up the call. It’s usually a job recruiter and I’d rather they leave a message. Because for some reason, job recruiters’ voicemails seem to fare far worse when moving through the Apple Transcription machine. And the results tickle the Mad Libs lover in me.

Here are four recent recruiter messages:

“This is Porsche calling from 140 double televisions a call to go to Costco _⁠_⁠_⁠_ _⁠_⁠_⁠_⁠_⁠_⁠_ for the petition…”

“Hey this message is for dinner _⁠_⁠_⁠_⁠_ Jennifer this is I'm calling from that's all we have _⁠_⁠_ _⁠_ _⁠_⁠_ line for the position also _⁠_⁠_⁠_⁠_⁠_ the right and it's a look at it believe me…”

“Hey Jennifer this is not helping I was trying to reach out to guarding their travel _⁠_⁠_⁠_⁠_⁠_⁠_ for you have a digital copy drive-through _⁠_⁠_⁠_⁠_⁠_ to get the key after description…”

“Hi this is Johnny calling from Lance I was just calling to God _⁠_⁠_⁠_⁠_ the paternity for the position of marketing…”

At the end of each message, Apple is humble enough to ask, “Was this transcription useful or not useful?” But no matter which answer you choose; Apple doesn’t bother to reply. Not even a “Great!” or “Thanks for helping us bring you a better product.”

And did I mention the headline above that question? “Help Improve Transcriptions.” Wait, we’re paying for the iPhone and its nearly illiterate transcription service – and Apple wants us to help them fix it? A bunch of people are out of work right now and their company’s shares only just fell below $1 trillion in market value? 

Well, Apple, all I can say is: “Triple 375 traveling Holy Ghost digital Johnny television!”